So we all know about searching for love in the wrong places — but we’re not always told how to search in the right way, or the right places to look. I read an amazing article the other day about what to look for in a godly man. No, ladies – they’re not a mythical creature…they really do exist!
I know, it’s hard to believe. My single friends tell me it’s rough out there.
But I’m telling you, this is legit. You meet a guy and you’re all “Oookay, he’s cute…seems to be mentally stable…has a job” so now what?
*Throw away your “ideal guy” list.
You’ll be surprised how freeing it is! If someone had lined a bunch of guys up in front of me and told me to pick out my future husband, I don’t know if I could have. Be willing to sacrifice your “type” for what God thinks you need. Be willing to open your heart to someone unlikely. Are you willing to place this important decision in His hands? Or will you keep singling out the suuuuper cute guys and hoping they turn out to be gentlemen? (I know ALL of you are very concerned right now that I am saying God will bring you an ugly man and you better get over it. NOPE. Just asking you to keep an open mind). “Type” can mean a lot more than physical characteristics. Don’t worry – you’ll be attracted to your future spouse!
*Consider who is standing in front of you.
Don’t compare him to your ex-boyfriend, your dad, your uncle, your pastor, your old youth group leader. Find out who this man really is. Does he want to get to know you? Is he pursuing you? Is he worth your heart? Is he worth your time?
Now, ahem….some of you don’t know how to determine this. I know this to be true because (a) I used to have terrible taste in men and (2) I know some of the guys you’ve dated, haha. Is his only romantic request a “Netflix and chill?” text message!? (I just found out what that means). AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT.
Is he worth your time? Ask yourself these questions:
Does he initiate communication?
Does he communicate with you when you reach out?
Does he speak with love and concern for those around him?
Does he mention his relationship with God?
Does he exhibit respectfulness?
Does he seem like a good listener?
Does he exude confidence and security in himself?
Does he seem to have a good handle on who he is?
*Allow for a natural progression.
Let’s not get into dissecting text messages. He might just be speaking plain English and not sending any subtle clues. Just allow time and space to see what will happen here. The roses and the moonlit carriage ride may come (if you like that kind of thing) but maybe not from day one. Allow this man to show himself to you, and for you to share who you are with him. There is no need to rush nor drag your feet.
*Pay attention to your gut.
I don’t think we need to be constantly evaluating and judging everyone around us, but don’t let your need for security and affirmation override your very smart brain. Is he smoking pot? Does he regularly exhibit road rage? Is he willing to listen to authority (parents, teachers, boss, police, etc)? Is he being a good leader or is he impeding your ability to make good choices? Is his idea of fun going out to a bar on the weekends? Does he use “grace” as an excuse to make stupid mistakes? I know you perceive those things and you just brush them under the rug saying, “Well, he seems like a nice enough guy.” “Nice enough” is not worth your time.
I swore up and down to my mother that “He’s just a nice guy if you would take the time to get to know him!” (insert storming off to my room and slamming the door). But “taking the time to get to know him” was actually code for “ignore all the warning signs your momma instinct is telling you and you should hear the sweet things he says to me, sometimes.”
Trusted people and friends around you will see things you might not see right away, both positive and negative.
This is not a guy-bashing post. I meet nice guys all the time who seem like they could be an excellent spouse if women could be a little bit more intentional about the guys they choose to invest in. I get the whole bad boy attraction. Like I mentioned before, I used to have terrible taste in guys. But that bad boy probably won’t turn out to be a good father. He might not be able to keep a job long enough to support you two. He might just disappear one day as quickly as he captured your attention in the first place.
Meeting the One for Me
When I first met my husband, I thought to myself, “He’s unlike any guy I have ever met.” He was more deep, more considerate, more spiritual than any guy I had ever known. You’ll want a guy that stands out from the rest – not because they could be a model but because they possess a depth of character, because they are kind, because they are wise.
It’s been awhile now since I was single, but I too remember despairing about “the lack of good men.” I don’t think there is really as much of a lack as we think. I think we, as women, need to be encouraging and affirming of the men in our lives – our fathers, brothers, cousins, and friends – so that they have the courage and the strength to be the good men we know they can be. It’s possible you’re not quite ready yet for the most committed relationship you will ever have. Or, it’s possible, that your future spouse is just around the corner. Maybe it’s time to focus on who you will be as a lover, as a spouse, as a best friend to your future husband so you’re ready when the time comes.
And you friend, who clicked on this blog post wondering if maybe it’s time to dump that guy you’re with….you’re having that little twinge in your heart but you just don’t want to let go? We’ve all been there. It’s really hard to walk away sometimes. But it’s time to hop off the rollercoaster and go back to living a normal life, with peace and stability as the norm. Praying for you.