It feels like it has been awhile since I have sat down to write for this blog. I took a break to enjoy the holidays with family. But once we were done traveling, I found myself unwilling to sit back down and pour out some thoughts.
A recent confession to a friend reminded me that no matter what I say to other people, I still struggle with the desire to hide, to remain quiet, to go unseen. Sure, if you come sit on my couch and spill your guts to me, I will have all kinds of wise advice for you.
Vulnerability is courageous. Go ahead.
You are loved and accepted.
Don’t run from who you are made to be.
Follow your calling even when it feels risky.
Etc, etc. But when it comes time for me to dream, to think about risking something, to even be 100% honest with a friend about a weakness of mine…..nope. I ignore all my own advice and try to shrink smaller.
WHY do I write?
I have been thinking about the WHY of my blog. My goal is to encourage other women (and the occasional man who would like to know what we think and write about), offer information on topics I am passionate about, and tell some stories along the way. I watched a training video for writers and learned I need to solidify my “voice.” Who am I? What story do I have to tell? Who wants to listen?
Here is One Story
I don’t feel like I can publish a blog post until it is PERFECT. I have edited for grammar and spelling to the best of my ability. I check the flow. I make sure any research I include is correct and offer sources for you to go see for yourself. I offer disclaimers to any blunt statements so hopefully no one is offended.
It’s that last one that I have been thinking about a lot. It’s hard for me to put my thoughts out there without doing all I can to make sure I can defend what I have said. I think that stems from both good and bad reasons. Bad, because I always feel worried about offending someone, which is not always in my control. Good, because I want to write good things that inspire and encourage, not belittle or tear down.
But then what do I do with those things that fill my heart with righteous anger? If you’ve ever been around someone who is always championing for their “cause” you can feel a bit overwhelmed, bullied, or even turned off. I don’t want to be that person. Yet, I feel pretty strongly about some stuff. Still, when I press the “publish” button, I wonder…did that even make any sense? Do people even care?
So yea, this has been rambling along my train of thought. Welcome to the ever inward circling spiral of how I feel sometimes.
Preaching What I Practice
A professor once said,
Don’t practice what you preach, preach what you practice.
So this is what I do when I have writer’s block and an aversion to vulnerability:
I sit down and write and hope it turns into something.
I tell a trusted friend something I don’t want to bring to the light.
I take a deep breath and speak my mind.
I tell myself it’s going to be okay.
I remind myself I am loved and accepted, probably even more than I feel right now.
I carry on.
(And sometimes it takes me a few weeks to get all that done!)
If I can do it, you can.
Don’t apologize for taking up space – be you, you’re awesome.
Discover your voice + speak with grace.
Care deeply about the things you care about + show it.
Be honest with your friends.
Okay, hoping my writer’s block is over now!